


Begin To Heal

by KaniTheCrab



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Ina (mentioned), Keith (mentioned) - Freeform, Letter, Letters to heaven type deal, Nadia (mentioned) - Freeform, Ryan (mentioned, Veronica (mentioned)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-25
Updated: 2018-08-25
Packaged: 2019-07-02 10:57:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15795105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KaniTheCrab/pseuds/KaniTheCrab
Summary: Nadia asks James to write a letter. Ina tells him how beneficial it could be. Ryan threatens to turn him in if he doesn’t do it.They want him to begin healing so he doesn’t hurt himself more than he’s already hurting.





	Begin To Heal

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the #InThesePages contest on Amino
> 
> Song that I blasted while writing: Broadripple Is Burning - Margot & The Nuclear So And So’s _______________________
> 
> .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.  
> Time may heal all wounds, but it won’t remove all of the scars.  
> .・。.・゜✫・.・✭・゜・。.

Mom,  
Nadia asked me to write this. She said it would help me. Ina gave a whole statistical reasoning with how good of a chance this had of alleviating some of the pain. Ryan threatened to tuen me in. So I am not writing this much by choice, I suppose. Other students are doing this too- sort of a student led healing project. Write a letter to a loved one or ones and “send it to heaven”. It is a slight bit “corny” if you ask me, but it may help. I do not think I will burn this or send it with a balloon or toss it to the ocean as some have suggested. I believe I’ll put it in the hope chest and keep it with what is left.

Your hope chest made it. And some of your art work. Ana’s tools did, mostly. Many of Tim’s toys were scorched, but intact. Ina even found Chloe’s squeak toy and collar. Those are all in the chest. I know you meant for it to go to Ana but I figured it would be alright if I took it now instead. I hope so, because it was one hell of an argument I had with the dorm officials to let me keep it. I even found Grandma’s quilt and the photo album in it. I could not throw it out when it held things such as those. You even kept my favorite stuffed animal in it.

Ana has already probably bragged about what she did, but I have to tell you as well. She was really a hero, Mama (Ana, if you’re reading this I actually mean my compliment). She and her squad distracted those cruisers long enough so that the particle barrier able to be put up. When I saw her fighter go down, I felt a mixture of pride and hurt. I knew she’d died; likely before she’d touched the ground. Her dog tags hang over my desk, along with pictures I had savaged. My walls were nearly bare before now. I was very grateful to Ryan when he said he had no issue with me posting them. I wish I had done so before.

Ina and Ryan are going to that area soon. They promised to look through the rubble for anything else; especially your cookbook. I told you I’d get the recipe for your cookies. I wish it had not been this way, though. I don’t know if I could ever bring myself to make them. Or do anything except put the book in your chest. I remember Tim and I would hover at any door or window we could while you made them.

Tell everyone I love them. I wish I had told all of you more. Never was the guy to be heartfelt often. I was too “cool” for it. Now I couldn’t give a damn about how people see me for it. I should have said things like that more. Told you how I felt about all of you more.

I’ve been having a hard time ever since this started. Maybe now that its over I can begin to heal. Without having anything familiar from home, it will be hard. All I have is what is now in the chest. The only person from home is that Keith I told you about years ago. He survived his part in the fight and is staying here now.

I had to stop for a few moments. But I think I can keep going now. That happens more than I’d like to admit. Its why my team made me write this. Something will trigger a memory and I have to stop what I’m doing to relax. Nadia told me this wasn’t uncommon; the flashbacks, the panic attacks, and the nightmares. I underestimated how bad they could be. They’re frightening- terrifying even. The flashbacks are rare, thankfully. However, the panic attacks are semi-frequent. The worst ones are what cause me to have to sit out for certain activities. It feels like everyone and everything had turned against me, even my own body. Like I’m being crushed but simultaneously I’m dissolving. I don’t know how else to describe it. The large and sudden rush of adrenaline I get makes me dizzy and unstable. I’ve learned to hide the more mild ones. Those aren’t usually as bad as the nightmares. Each of my team gets them. Our minds play something in our sleep and we’ll wake up in hysterics. Ryan woke up calling for Ina, and refused to calm until I’d gotten her and he’d seen she was safe. Ina has had to call Nadia’s father for her a few times before, so she could hear his voice. Nadia had to get both Ryan and I for Ina in turn, and we all stayed with her together. That’s why the four of us still sleep in pairs, even though we’ve earned the individual rooming. No one would be there to comfort us- even if we don’t usually remember what happens, it’s nice knowing you won’t be alone during it. I’ve been told that I’ve woken up calling for you, Ana, and Tim before. On top of the three on my team having to stay with me, they had to get Veronica. They couldn’t lull me back to sleep after getting it through to me that I couldn’t contact any of you because you had really died, not just in my dream. I don’t remember these things aside from waking up with all of them touching me in some way, but I do remember having to get Veronica for Ryan. I’m not sure what the dream was still, but he’d woken up and wouldn’t let us near him. By the time we gotten her and all been able to come and huddle with him he’d almost gotten himself to be sick a few times. It was honestly scary to see him like that.

Maybe Nadia had a fair point in making me do this. I do feel a slight bit better, but I still hurt. Maybe this opened me to letting time curve the pains. I don’t believe time will take away the image in my mind of how I found you and Tim with Chloe. I’d been the one to find you. You were all huddled together and burned so badly. I only can hope you went quickly, though I fear you didn’t. Ina has told me not to blame myself, as it was impossible for me to do anything to change this. I know she’s telling the truth, but it is still hard to say there was nothing I could have done that would change this.

I should probably sign off now. I have some duties I need to get to, and maybe some reflecting to do as well. I miss all of you terribly. I love you all, too.

To Anais Griffin; the best elder sister I could have ever wished for. You cared for me while Mom worked, until I could care for myself and little Tim. You inspired my love for flight and what lies beyond our atmosphere. I wanted to make you proud, and knowing I could do so while doing what I loved was a relief. Thank you for that, as well as the late nights we’d stay up and talk and the adventures in the woods for treasure when we were young.

To Timothy Griffin; the baby of the family through and through. I may have complained about you taking up everyone’s time and energy, but I was (almost) always happy to watch over you. Playing with you was usually an enjoyable time too. You came to me when you’d gotten hurt or were upset or excited. You made me feel needed. Thank you, Timmy. And thank you for reminding me to be a kid and let loose occasionally.

Finally, to Miss Jane Griffin... To you, Mom; the strongest woman in my life. Three kids and two jobs at times, and you always cared for us. Always made time for each of us. Every care package you sent to me always had my favorite snacks and a note. Even though you messaged me once a day every day and were so busy, you’d always taken the time to send me a handwritten note. You’ve been there every step of the way. I’ll keep making you proud, Mom. I can’t even begin to thank you for all you did for me. You were a wonderful and amazing woman.

I’ll see all of you again one day. I don’t plan on it being soon, though. Wait for me.

Until then, this is James Griffin, signing off.

P.S. Give Chloe some head scratches for me please. She likes them best right behind her ears. Thank you. I love you.


End file.
